Thursday, February 27, 2014

TiLT-Things I love Thursday

It's Thursday!  I absolutely love how quickly this work week is moving! Here's just a couple things that I am loving this week!

These quotable quotes!





These lovely outfits!



These hilarious thoughts!






And always loving this guy!  



Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

10 on Tuesday

It's Tuesday again...

1.  I finally posted about our infertility battle.  It's heartbreaking everyday, and it seems like more and more I see people posting that they're pregnant.  I currently have 7 friends pregnant...heartbreaking. I'm extremely happy for them (Please don't take that wrong!) I was just hoping that we would be in there with you! 

2.  My birthday is happening in less than 2 weeks!  I can't believe that I'm going to be 35!  The hubs is throwing me a bowling bash!  And I'm pretty excited about that!  

3.  I'm trying to cut back on my coffee consumption!  One cup so far today, I call that progress!

4.  They are calling for snow again this week!  I'm so over the snow!

5.  Work is starting to pick back up...Slowly but surely.  Thank goodness!

6.  I'm so beyond ready for some warm weather! I want flip flops and some awesome day trips

7.  My parents are in the process of moving so that means I've gotten some pretty awesome hand me down clothes in the past couple of weeks!  I love that I'm in the smaller sizes now and can totally steal some of my mom's clothes!

8.  I have a love (Newly found again) for Dark Chocolate. It seems the darker the better.  

9.  I'm absolutely obsessed with painting my nails.  It's all very girly girl.  Which totally isn't me.  

10.  Stress is at an all time high, hoping that I can find a resolution for it soon! 




Monday, February 24, 2014

Life Lately-Infertility

it's been awhile since I've posted about real life.  and everything about life lately has been dealing with our infertility struggle.  I swore that I wasn't going to post about this, but it's the one thing that has been bothering me the most.  The range of emotions that I feel are insane.  One day I'm completely happy and I have my head in the game, and then there are other days where I'm a big crying mess. To say the least "Enraged Ellie" has somehow made her way back into my life.  And I blame fertility drugs. 
I knew going into this journey that if I wanted it bad enough that it was going to be a fight.  Jay and I were both morbidly obese, but even in the time that I was heavier, I was able to get pregnant and miscarried (Pre-Jason) and after losing 170 pounds I honestly thought that I would be able to snap my fingers and get pregnant. Ha. I was dead wrong.  Things started off pretty normal when I lost all of the weight, I was on Depo.  Ladies, if you ever have dreams of birthing babies, never, ever go on Depo.  It takes forever to get out of your system and can seriously do some damage.  I went on Depo only because of the fact that I had to sign a contract stating that I would go on birth control before my surgery and unfortunately, a regular pill is no longer absorbed the same way, so I did Depo.  (I should note that I have a horrible time taking pills. I can never remember to take them)
So this journey started almost a year ago when I went to see Dr. A, who is an RE (Reproductive Endo) and one of the best in Maryland, and at Hopkins) I absolutely adored her.  She was very nice, understanding and just overall willing to help.  She told me that she wouldn't put me on clomid until I was at least 18 months out from my surgery, and even then she would only give me a one month supply and an order for Jay to get checked out.  
Everything has been checking out fine.  I reacted well with the clomid. Jay's tests all came back great.  But now, we wait.  It's heartbreaking waiting and having some sort of unknown fertility.  So while we wait, I pray every single day, I pray that God hears us, and blesses us with a child.  I pray that I don't get on all of my friend's nerves by this being the main topic of conversation for me.  I pray that Jay and I don't lose hope
And mostly, I pray for Dr. A, that she can come up with some kind of plan to help cure my fertility issues.  
 
Please remember us, as you read this.  It's definitely been a trying time, but we're going to get our miracle...It's just going to take some time.  

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

10 on Tuesday...

it's hard to believe that it's already Tuesday, and that over the weekend we came upon February.  So crazy how fast time is moving.
1.  I go back to my old office next week.  With that, my telework will stop, and so will my 4/tens schedule.  I'm not sure how I feel about working 5 day work weeks again.  I've definitely been spoiled. 
2.  The relaunch/rebrand of my partnering business is almost done!  Just need to order the fliers and business cards.  (And create a website)
3.  We were slammed with more snow yesterday...Over Winter.  And that Damn Groundhog gave bad news on Sunday.  More snow is coming.  This weekend is going to blow
4.  I'm in the process of planning a birthday party.  I'm mourning the loss of my early 30's.  
5. I want/need a vacation in the worst way.  A bath would do too.  But it's been far too long since that has happened.  
6.  I've been more than a little stressed out over some little things that will definitely turn into big things.  I already feel horrible, I'm just not sure how to handle them yet.  *Vague I know...It'll all come out eventually
7.  I've been fighting migraines a lot post op, and at almost 2 years post op they haven't let up any.  At least once a week it's hitting me.  Hoping that when I head back to the surgeon's office they can give me some insight.
8.  I'm attempting to lose this last 50 pounds.  I had some regain due to the fertility drugs that I've been on.  I've got to get this weight off.  I'm not feeling all too confident these days. 
9.  We're ready for a change.  Whether it be state, life in general or jobs we're both ready.
10.  I have some big goals planned for February!  Stay tuned!

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Things I Love Thursday (volume 1 2014 edition)

I'm loving a lot this week!  


Did you hear that Atlanta got like 2 inches of snow?  But a crap-ton of ice?  Like the city is shut down right now....I saw this post last night on FB,



 it's like Atlanta is a real life episode of The Walking Dead...  Check out this post on Buzzfeed...Hilarious.  You need to play the video first please!  


{{44 Amazing places to nap???  Sign me up!}}

{{22 struggles that curvy girls face}} preach it girl 

{{This Anna Kendrick superbowl non superbowl commercial}} Love her!

These super cute outfits!






Things for the house!





These purses:


 see a theme??? I'm in love with this color!

These sweet quotes:



Cute date night ideas:






This cake that I must make:


These hilarious items today:






Happy Thursday y'all!

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

A little bit on being nice (or being used)

 
 
I read a post today that said "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it all"  And I took it to heart.  That's probably the reason why I haven't posted anything in almost a month.  When life takes over and makes reality a not so "half glass full" kinda moment I've been keeping to myself.  Is it wrong?  Probably not.  If I said everything that I was feeling, I'm certain that there would be hurt feelings, and I probably wouldn't have many friends.  I already don't have many friends....My own fault.  I tend to not make time for them, to be in my own bubble with those that I feel comfortable with, and to go from there.
 
 
2014 has started off better than 2013, we're getting some answers on the fertility front.  Jason and I are getting along better than ever.  But there is definitely something missing.  Our new place is great and it's finally coming all together.  We love it, and it's quiet for the most part.  
 
So while we're on the topic of friends.  I'm learning (quickly) who I can count on, who will be there in a bind and who is not really in the friendship for friendship.  I'm so sick of people who only come around when they need something.  There have been so many times in the past, where I have bent over backward. Done everything for someone and gotten nothing back...I'm not saying that I expect it, but it would be nice to at least get a phone call or text just to say hey, instead of "Hey can you?"  I have to say honestly that it's my fault.  I grew up a loner, I didn't have anyone that I could truly count on, so when someone wanted to be my friend, I went with that and ran with it.  If it meant being taken advantage of, eh, I dealt with it.  At least I had someone who I could talk to and who kinda listened.  More recently, I was talking to a friend, and I was going on about the trying to have a baby topic...when I was pretty much told that it wasn't the right time for me to get pregnant.  It hurt.  Because I know this person knows how badly Jason and I both want to start a family and all of the issues that we've been having. I was hurt, shocked and honestly angry.  I told Jason, and he asked me why I'm friends with her. I had to think...I'm not saying that friends have to talk everyday, or see each other all of the time, but if you ask me what's wrong with me, and why I'm so quiet, be prepared one day for the answer...It's bottled up but it's getting ready to come out.

In the end, I've realized more and more, it's quality and not quantity of your friends.  Jason is my best friend.  He's my confidant, he's the love of my life, and the person that I tell absolutely everything to.  I saw a post today, that told you the top 10 reasons how you know you're with your soulmate. And a bonus answer....
1. Your partner is your best friend. You're 110% yourself, you feel free, and enjoy the little things in life together.
2. Your partner is the one you want next to you in your deepest, darkest moments.
3. You're capable of being away from each other, but neither of you like it one bit.
4. Your partner is your #1 choice for the person you want with you when you splurge on your favorite treat, watch an embarrassing television show, or forget your manners at the dinner table because you're too exhausted that day.
5. The two of you compromise with each other. You don't always get your way.
6. You care about his or her needs more than your own.
7. You both know that throughout life you might change and grow, but you'll always change and grow together. Life is about enjoying the stages with each other.
8. When something happens—terrible, exciting or completely insignificant—he or she is always the first person you want to tell.
9. He or she balances you out, and you do the same. Where one is weaker, the other is stronger.
10. You know that no matter what, he or she will always stand by you and be on your side.
Bonus: You both take a moment, every day, to think about just how lucky you are to have found your most perfect person on this earth. 
(can be found here)
I think I finally have it right, I've got my mind in the right place.  And if hurt feelings come from this, I'm sorry, but I'm tired of being pushed to the side and only being called upon when something is needed.  Hopefully this gets my point across.  I'm a really good friend, maybe you should just take the time to get to know me as one.